It Ended Badly…

When I was a teenager in the early nineties, I dated a guy who had his own dingy basement apartment, but not a phone. He won me over by walking a mile and calling me from a gas station payphone every night. We’d talk 25 cents worth: a half an hour. Through all kinds of weather. No one had cellphones back then. He was the last of a now extinct breed: the chivalrous Quarter Caller.

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…used his real, full, given birthname on match.com.

I replied to his email and asked why he’d release personal information (full name!) into seedy cyberworld. He replied, “I HATE SECRETS.”

On our first date, he presented a book I’d mentioned wanting to read. He looked nothing like his pictures. But he was confident and smart. He brought me chocolate when he saw me after that. By the end of week two, we’d hid our match.com profiles and were officially only wooing each other.

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…wasn’t in touch with his feminine side.

(contributed by Helena Handbasket)

After picking me up, we were on our way to dinner and headed out on the turnpike. In a genuine show of machismo and lack of anger management, Mr. Sensitive decides to pursue some clown who had cut him off, and race him. Enter flashing lights and sirens. Mr Sensitive asks me to play sick. State trooper asks, “Where’s the fire?” And in a most unconvincing stammer Mr. Sensitive tells the trooper “I’m trying to rush her home. She doesn’t feel good. -WOMAN TROUBLES-” My jaw goes slack from disbelief and mortification. The officer takes note of my probably comical expression and promptly writes the ticket.

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(contributed by Helena Handbasket)

On a random weeknight at my favorite blue collar dive, a cute straight looking former jock saddles up next to me. He’s not my usual type, but he’s not heinous in the least. The conversation is good and stimulating, not the usual slimy pick up crap. After a wink and thumbs up from my favorite bartender I agree to exchange numbers.

First date he’s charming and flattering in all the right ways. Next date was very casual and we end up back at his place that he shares with his brother.

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