It Ended Badly…

(contributed by Helena Handbasket)

My first Christmas with my ex, he got me a butter dish. Yes, that’s right, a butter dish that you actually would put a stick of butter in. It should have ended there, but this was someone I had fallen for hard. That year I also got a crockpot and new pots and pans.

After 7 months of dating I should have had a million flags waved in my face. My girlfriend asked if it was a diamond encrusted butter dish. No. It was a dollar store butter dish.

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(contributed by Helena Handbasket)

On a random weeknight at my favorite blue collar dive, a cute straight looking former jock saddles up next to me. He’s not my usual type, but he’s not heinous in the least. The conversation is good and stimulating, not the usual slimy pick up crap. After a wink and thumbs up from my favorite bartender I agree to exchange numbers.

First date he’s charming and flattering in all the right ways. Next date was very casual and we end up back at his place that he shares with his brother.

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…lived through Christmas.

After winter holidays, I had a blind date with a guy met online. He was even more attractive in person than in pictures. Extremely handsome… A smoldering hot Czech who spoke with an accent as thick as it was intoxicating. He was very polite. And on time. And offered compliments a-plenty.

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…loved comics.

He loved comics so much that his full sleeve tattoos ended with Spidey on one hand… and the Hobgoblin on the other hand. Not so ambidextrous, it was the evil Hobgoblin that fondled my breast.

For being a tough terrorizing villain (or a web slinger for that matter) Hobgoblin used “Darling” a lot and was sick all the time. After coming down with “gophers” in his throat inflicted on him by the deadly children at a nearby school, the mighty Hobgoblin was forced to go to the hospital where was told he was contagious.

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…rarely spoke.

Amish boy’s single triumphant moment came and went on our first date in a single rap song. We were sitting in a dive bar that fit not much more than two fistfuls of people and a pool table when a brawl broke out “Road House” style. A cue stick was snapped to place a chokehold. Mugs flew. Fists swung. The bartender ducked for cover.

“Don’t worry.” Amish Boy said. “I know what to do.”

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…rode a Harley.

On our first date, I jumped on the back of the PR Superstar’s motorcycle and prepared to ride into the sunset for dinner. I strapped on the helmet. Pulled on the goggles. Zipped up the jacket. Then we drove a grand total of four short city blocks.

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Hello, I am Morgan, your co-host here at It Ended Badly…

Come in, relax, kick off your heels and make yourself comfortable.

As a matter of introduction, I put together a small sampling of actual pickup lines we heard just in the past few weeks. Gaze in amazement and disbelief, vote on the worst one, and contribute your own experiences for all to enjoy!

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Welcome!

“it ended badly” is where the most distasteful, outlandish, offensive, awkward dating experiences are truly loved and appreciated.

Sweetly gathered on this site are disastrous true accounts from the dating world submitted by those that survived to type on.

Misery makes good company. To laugh with. And at.

Post your horrendous encounter.

Read other tales even more damaging.

AND ENJOY the worst we ALL have to share.

-Jules

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Feeling lonely this week? Prince Charming transformed into a slimy toad?

Warm your heart with horrifying tales of dating disasters! Contribute your own sordid stories of romance gone awry! Gain solace in the fact that you are not alone, and no matter how bad it is, someone else has it worse!

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